I'm pants shitting drunk right now
Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
I also witnessed that same parrot perched on the head of a man grinding with a girl.
Interesting. As a girl I don't know how okay I would be with that.
She seemed pretty into it.
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
Randomize
