i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
Randomize
