Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
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