with your own penis?
i mean i'm ok with bufu but if i'm gonna do it it needs to be a mutual agreement, and there are steps that need to be taken. you don't just go OOPS we're doing it now
i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
Randomize
