Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
Randomize
