***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
Randomize
