I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
Is Jonathan Taylor Thomas a gay? I need you to google search it for me. Its important
I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
My gift to the freshman: I made an illegal stop, rolled out and dropped to my hands and knees and puked in front of the south campus dorms and about 20 families. Welcome to OSU
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
Randomize
