HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
Randomize
