I woke up this morning wearing my tux shirt and jacket, but no pants.
______ was pissed. My breath tastes like tequila and doritos, and I couldn't get it up.
what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
Well it ended with everyone taking a bite out of a raw potato and a girl crying because her boyfriend wouldn't bring her any grape juice. So yeah...I'd say the night was a success.
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
Randomize
