we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
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