I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
so this was truly a case of the blacked out leading the blacked out.
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
Randomize
