How did you manage that?
Told her it wasn't GENITAL herpes... just ORAL herpes... on my penis
lol... jersey girls rock
stayed up to watch the sunrise..saw an albino taking shots on the quad..it's like there's a whole new world of people out there just waiting to meet us
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
Randomize
