I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
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