Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
Randomize
