Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
Randomize
