On a side note I can sing drakes “best I ever had” so good you’d think I was on degrassi.
You have to stop making references to your extense knowledge of 13 year old girl television programming for me to believe you aren’t homo. The Bravo line-up was one thing, but seriously
I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
so why are there three stressed gay men and a bowl of vomit in the smoke room?
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
I DID MY EXPERIMENTING. FOUR YEARS OF IT. IN HIGH SCHOOL.
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
Randomize
