So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
it went ok. then he slept in a parking lot and took me out for a picnic the next day. boys are confusing.
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
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