Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
Randomize
