chicago's viagra triangle is not unlike the bermuda triangle in thatt things just get lost...... planes, ships, dignity, virginity, etc.
Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
I'm not getting off this floor. I love this floor
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
Randomize
