i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
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