Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
Randomize
