I'm so fucking centered right now
Think the blond can even spell "shiksa"?
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
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