Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
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