We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize
