Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
Did we literally take a cab across the street
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
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