if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
i dont think there is any level of not caring that i havent covered in the last month
I woke up with a black eye and dim memories of announcing that i had super powers. I shoved my pockets full of canned tuna and tried to jump off the balcony. And then my boyfriend called the cops.
so you're not coming in to work today?
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
Randomize
