Can Purell be used as lube?
dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
Its time to go balls to the wall to get any good D during these last few weeks of college.
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
Randomize
