saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
i dont even know how to be here
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
I'm gonna fuck that sweet little pussy of yours into absolute submission
Wow. Sorry. As soon as I sent that I felt inappropriate. But yes. Bring a sandwich after. Lol
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
Why is there bacon in the couch?
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
Randomize
