There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
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