I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
Randomize
