Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
Randomize
