normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
incase your class ends early, there are three naked guys in our room. but don't get too excited, they're all gay.
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
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