But i just feel like he will pull it out and ill panic. I mean its fairly basic. Up and down. But i feel like ill just freak out.
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
Randomize
