You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
please visit steve this weekend, he is getting mature and responsible and shit which scares me.
This hot topless Jamaican just ran down the st with me on his back and He was screaming "I be stealing yo white ladies."
I don't know if i should be jealous or worried... or question where you are.
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
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