can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
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