ugly people sure do ruin things
so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
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