..Thats also how I think I got the lyrics from MIAs Paper Planes Sharpeed on my ass? Maybe.
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
Randomize
