and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
Randomize
