she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
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