Culvers...So Good
So good. The butter burgers slip right outta my ass.
oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
Randomize
