I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
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