I just figured it out. Meghan has the same smile as Sylvester Stallone.
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
Randomize
