Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
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