We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
I'm sending you a dick pic. Ill tell the other ppl in this pancheros its cool
Don't send a pic of dick unless it's inside the burrito
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
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