Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
Tell her that we understand the angle wasn't the best on the first video and that we forgive her.
Randomize
