I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
Randomize
