If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
Randomize
