The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
Randomize
