It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
Randomize
