dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
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