drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
Randomize
