Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
I CAN SEE SO MANY PENISES. There are so many visible penises here.
Where are you???
Yoga class :(
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
Randomize
