Umm I'm too high to move.
im naked on webcam to her boyfriend, but im playing neopets at the same time, so its all evened out
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
Randomize
