I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
chatroulette drinking game turned into a foursome.
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
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