Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
Banned from zoo.
Again?
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
I won't apologize to a one balled man
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
Randomize
