dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
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