best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
Randomize
