Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
Ya I guess if we compared our actions now with our actions 2 years ago. We are definitely in a constant state of shit showness.
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
Randomize
