wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
Randomize
