two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
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