Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
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