The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
Is is gay if I donloaded Grinder to see if my roommate is gay?
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
Randomize
