I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
Randomize
