the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
Randomize
