I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
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