I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
She should get an extra 30 days for that Georgia Rule movie......terrible.
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
I HOPE YOU ENJOY THIS VDIEPO BECAUSE I AMS ENDIONG A LOKT OF EFFORT RECORIDNG IT
I ONLY PARTIALLY KNOW WHAT YOU SAID. BUT I THINK I WILL LIKE IT.
I effort
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
Randomize
