I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
Randomize
