wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
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